The hardest thing for parents to do is prepare their children for their eventual independence—to cut the proverbial apron strings. Hard as it is, it is one most vital to both parent and child in this life and eternity.
Some children never break away from their family at all, and are never truly independent. They vote as their parents voted. They live like their parents live, and think as their parents think. Parental instruction is important, but one who will not break some of the ties to the past will always be captives of the past.
Children can become so dependent on parents that even as adults they cannot or will not act without their parents’ approval. They don’t trust themselves, and they never will without cutting the apron strings. This is something parents must prepare them to do.
When Joseph was sold into slavery (Genesis 37ff), he was taken from the protection of his family and forced to be independent. Years later he rescued his family, the seed of Abraham, and in so doing paved the way for the Redeemer. With the faith of his father in his mind, he learned great moral lessons from him, but when on his own, he had to think and act for himself, and so claimed his place in history as a powerful, influential person.
“Leave your father and mother…”
Human children are under the influence of their parents longer than most living creatures, about twenty years, or one-fourth of their lives. But God said each individual must, when establishing his/her own family, leave and cleave: Note these plain words:
- “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother,
and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one
flesh,” Genesis 2:24.
God says that in our new, chosen family our primary allegiance must be to our spouse, not our parents. Wives must be in “subjection to your own husband,” 1 Peter 3:1, not your father. Parent-child relationships are not broken, and mutual obligations still exist, but when a man or woman chooses to marry, he/she is obligated to “cleave unto” their spouse. Your spouse must be first in your life, not your parents. You must grow up and become your own person. God says there must be a leaving and a cleaving. Parents, we are responsible to prepare our children for that time. If we do not, both our children and we are in for many disappointments and regrets.
“Ye became the servants of righteousness…”
When a person is old enough and mature enough to ponder eternity and examine his own soul, he must do so with his own mind, not that of friends or family. We are all influenced by outside forces, but no one can think or act for you. In many ways, you are making the same kind of break we just discussed, but now the change is one of allegiance, not of family. Paul was inspired to say that a person is servant either to sin or to righteousness. Being a Christian is described in these inspired terms:
- “Know ye not, that to whom ye yield yourselves servants to obey, his servants ye are to whom ye obey; whether of sin unto death, or of obedience unto righteousness? But God be thanked, that ye were the servants of sin, but ye have obeyed from the heart that form of doctrine which was delivered you. Being then made free from sin, ye became the servants of righteousness,” Romans 6:16-18.
Here is a break from the past that must be made or we continue to be servants to God’s enemy, Satan.
- “No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other,” Matthew 6:24.
We must choose to serve God, and then break away from all past ties to Satan.
God never asked children to abandon their parents, but we can never truly cleave to our spouse until we are willing to leave our parents. Neither is it easy to abandon a life of sin, but our quest for heaven demands that we break that relationship.
