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Dripping Springs Weekly Bulletins
“Breaking Up”
The jargon of American youth is apt to change very quickly. Terms that were so commonly understood a few decades ago are not even known to a new generation. But one term is still used among young and old alike, and it is not a pleasant subject.
When a teen couple decided to allow their relationship to come to an end, my generation called it, “breaking up.” We would say, “Jack and Sue broke up,” meaning they were no longer “going together.”
Such events sometimes involved tears and sorrow, while others did not, but something that was once very important and very comfortable is now discussed as past tense.
This can be a healthy means for youth to test their wings, learn what is best for them as they grow toward adult choices. Painful as “breaking up” can be, it may be a vehicle that avoids more serious future problems.
The sad side to “breaking up” is that it also applies to marriage. Some marriages seem destined to end in a “break-up” because the individuals did not have sufficient maturity to make wise choices.
When I look back at my maturity at the age of 18-20, I am thankful I did not marry then. Second only to one’s choice to serve God, marriage is the most important choice one will ever make. Marriage does not come with a “return policy,” making it easy to change your mind. Better a “break up” before marriage than after, for God “hates putting away,” Malachi 2:16. In other words, divorce is just not an option for a Christian.
It was my privilege to work with young men and women in college for almost 25 years. In that capacity, I observed many courtships, and had the opportunity to help prepare many youths for marriage. By the time a young man or woman has reached college age, they are beginning to know what they need in a spouse, but may not know how to use that knowledge. In the process of preparing them for those choices, I made the following suggestions:
Choosing a Mate for Life
Some questions must be considered before choosing a mate for life. There are some things you must know about that person before you give yourself to them in marriage. We try to use our very best judgment when purchasing a car, buying insurance, selecting a career. All of these are important, but one’s choice in a marriage partner will have more influence on the quality of your life than any other – and it also can have eternal consequences.
Questions to ask before saying “yes”
- How well do you know this person? Time can reveal the character of a potential spouse. “Love at first sight” is a myth. Real love takes time. Don’t be in a hurry to make this decision.
- How does this person feel about the things that are important to you? Are you truly compatible in the most important areas of life? Children? The church? Money? Morals?
- In the most important area of life, being a genuine Christian, is this person one who can help you to be a strong Christian mother/father? Is he/she a faithful Christian? If not, you are starting life with a big handicap. Don’t make that mistake.
- How does this person treat his/her parents? Their siblings? The nature of their family and their upbringing play a big part in the kind of family life you can expect from them.
- What about the qualities of affection, thoughtfulness, gratitude. How do they get along with others? Is anger a problem for them? How do they deal with adversity?
- What are your reasons for wanting to marry? Are they indicative of your maturity? Are you merely anxious to “get away from home.”
- What is his/her outlook on life? Are they optimistic? Pessimistic? Are you being realistic when you consider your marriage to him/her? Are there real doubts you are ignoring?
- Have you carefully studied the Bible to know God’s law concerning marriage? Are you willing to fill the role God has ordained for you?
- Can you realistically say this person will help you be a faithful Christian? A good father/mother?
- What changes will this person have to make for you to be happy with them? Past experience indicates that such changes seldom take place.
Parents, you must occupy a big role in preparing your children for marriage. These and other questions must be answered in light of God’s word. No parent wants to see their children in a bad marriage, but the question remains: Is this important enough to you to make every effort now to prepare them for making this most important choice? Only you can answer that question.
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“Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend,”
“Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery,”
“Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD,”
“The husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it,”
As unto the bow the cord is, so unto man is woman; Though she bends him, she obeys him; Though she draws him, yet she follows. Useless each without the other.”
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“LORD, IS IT I?”
When Jesus announced to His beloved apostles that one of them would betray him, each apostle began to search his own heart and to ask: “Lord, is it I?” (Matthew 26:22). Each did not point a searching or accusing finger at the other, but rather began to inquire about his own condition.
The following is a very personal questionnaire. May each meditate upon the questions and ask, “Lord is it I?”
- Am I so critical that I see a person’s weak points quicker than I see his good points?
- Am I so sensitive that I make myself miserable by taking in a personal way everything that is said?
- Am I so childish that everyone else has to handle me with caution to keep me from getting mad and causing trouble?
- Am I mature enough to accept a disappointment and adjust myself to it without feeling mistreated and making everyone around me miserable?
- When a discourtesy is shown to me, do I brood over it and determine to “get even”?
- Am I always thinking that everyone else is out of step but me and that I could be happy if everybody else would just do right?
- Can I control myself enough to watch my words, or do I half-way boast that I have a quick temper?
- Do I hurt people with my sharp and caustic remarks?
- Do I have a habit of telling other people what to do?
- Do I have bottled up inside me a feeling of hostility toward another?
- Am I determined to have my own way, regardless of what it may do to others?
- Am I ever guilty of making sarcastic remarks about the accomplishments or successes of another?
- Do I repeat that which should be kept secret and then excuse myself by saying, “But it’s the truth”?
- Can I be completely trusted with a confidence?
- When the good reputation of another is being undermined, do I participate?
- Do I laugh at and encourage the telling of impure jokes or stories?
- When I realize that I am wrong, am I big enough to admit it, or do I still try to justify myself by trying to blame someone else for my conduct?
- Do I “follow after the things which make for peace,” or do my words and conduct promote strife?
- Do I have too much pride to show real gratitude toward God and my fellowman?
- Though it may be easy for me to “weep with them that weep,” do I obey the other part of the verse which commands me to “rejoice with them that rejoice”?
- Do I attempt to white-wash my own sins by constantly pointing out the faults of others?
- Do I bring unhappiness to myself and others by frequent complaining?
- Are others lifted up and made better by their association with me?
- Am I willing to face my own weaknesses and admit them?
- Do I ask God to help me overcome specific sins and to grow as a Christian?
Taken from You Can Be Beautiful, by Lottie Beth Hobbs
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