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Dripping Springs Weekly Bulletins
A Grudge is a Burden
That's Too Heavy to Carry!
Several years ago Jim thrust out his hand to shake Hank’s hand, but Hank did not respond. Hank was distracted, but Jim thought Hank just ignored him. Thus began a division between families and friends. When Hank realized his oversight, he tried to explain what happened, but Jim would not listen, for he had decided to hold a grudge against Hank, and that grudge lasted for many years.
Things like that can happen without our realizing it. Just like Hank, we may be thinking of some important matter that needs our attention, and our mind is distracted from events and people around us. Though not intentionally, we fail to see someone, or fail to give a hearty greeting to a friend. In most cases, our friend just shrugs it off for what it is. Some, however, are not so forgiving, and their grudge has its beginning.
A grudge is a heavy load, and it gets heavier with the passing of time. What might have solved the problem in the beginning will not be considered later, all because of a simple misunderstanding.
You might think something like that would not happen between friends or brothers and sisters in Christ. But it does, and what starts as something small, something that should be shrugged off – is not.
Some have been mistreated and had reason to be upset, while other
people’s feelings are “worn on their sleeve,” just waiting for someone to say the wrong thing. Eventually their “feelings” will be hurt, and chances are it will be an entirely unintentional act. However, nothing that is done or said can heal the “wound” that has occurred.
The social scientists say this becomes the only way some can gain the attention of others, and even though it is negative attention, it is better than no attention at all.
In case you think this is just a modern-day problem, note that such occasions were not uncommon in Bible times. Jacob and Esau were twins, but their father, Isaac, had a special place in his heart for Esau, Genesis 27. When Jacob out-maneuvered his brother and obtained the family birthright, Esau’s jealousy was so strong that he threatened to kill his brother, Genesis 27:41. Jealousy is a first cousin to bearing a grudge, and Esau carried that burden for many years.
In 1 Samuel 17-18 we read the story of David and Goliath. David conquered Goliath and gained considerable fame as a result. In 18:6-7, people began to praise David. Consequently, Saul “eyed David from that day forward,” 18:9. It prompted Saul to make several attempts on David’s life. He held a grudge against David all the way to his grave, and it gave him neither pleasure nor comfort. But, that’s what you must expect when you hold a grudge.
Scripture plainly teaches Christians to love one another, to be kind to each other, 1 Corinthians 13:4. Note the words of Colossians 3:12-13:
“Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.”
We should be aware of the feelings of others, making every effort to avoid any measure of offense. Some people’s skin is not as “tough” as others’, and we should consider that when we respond to them.
An individual in which there is continuing offensive behavior needs to search out his/her heart, find the cause and eliminate it. And, when someone’s feelings have been hurt, we should do all we can to mend that situation as best we can.
Having said that, those who have been offended have an equal obligation to have a forgiving attitude. If they consider the offense to be serious they should give the “offender” an opportunity to make it right, for they may not realize they have done so. Neither sulking nor pouting will provide any positive results. To the contrary, such response merely makes it worse.
The following are a few common circumstances in which someone’s feelings may have been hurt:
- Some person is not invited to some social event.
- A baby or wedding shower is not celebrated for someone’s child.
- A brother is not scheduled to lead prayer or read scripture.
- A good deed done by a person is not recognized and appreciated.
- A suggestion made by someone is ignored or rejected by others.
- An accomplishment or award by someone is not announced or honored.
Most of the time these matters are overlooked or later corrected. We would all be well advised to be alert to the feelings of others, taking care not to offend. When we have been offended, Jesus said we are to go to that person and solve the matter, Matthew 5:24. A grudge is a heavy load that need not be carried.
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“To err is human; to forgive, divine.”
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”
“Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you,”
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The Berry Spoon
"I'll never forgive him. 1 told him I would never forgive him." The attractive elderly lady spoke softly, but with resolve, as I attended to her nightly cares. Her expression was troubled as she turned away, focusing her eyes on the drape closing in her nursing home bed. Our conversation had traveled from the temporal to the eternal and now a deep hurt had surfaced.
She told of how her brother had approached her hospital bed, accusing her of taking more than her share of family heirlooms following their mother's death. He spoke of various items, ending with "the berry spoon." He said, "I want the berry spoon." For the forty years since the parent's death, he had hidden his feelings, and now they erupted. She was both hurt and angered by his accusation and vowed never to forgive him. "It's my spoon. It was given to me," she defended herself. "He's wrong and I won't forgive him."
Standing at her bedside, I felt my spirit soften and grieve. A spoon...a berry spoon. In the bed before me lay a woman given two months to live -- sixty days -- and she would face eternity and never see her brother again in this life. Her mind and spirit were in anguish, and her only remaining family tie was broken over a berry spoon.
As 1 returned to my nurse's station, I was drawn deep into thought. How many "berry spoons" were there in my life? How many things as insignificant as a spoon, in light of eternity, separate me from full communion with God? How much lack of forgiveness keeps me from fellowship with others? I could only ask God to search my heart. How many berry spoons in my life? Matthew 6:14-15 "For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses. neither will your Father forgive your trespasses"
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