Several years ago Jim thrust out his hand to shake Hank’s hand, but Hank did not respond. Hank was distracted, but Jim thought Hank just ignored him. Thus began a division between families and friends. When Hank realized his oversight, he tried to explain what happened, but Jim would not listen, for he had decided to hold a grudge against Hank, and that grudge lasted for many years.
Things like that can happen without our realizing it. Just like Hank, we may be thinking of some important matter that needs our attention, and our mind is distracted from events and people around us. Though not intentionally, we fail to see someone, or fail to give a hearty greeting to a friend. In most cases, our friend just shrugs it off for what it is. Some, however, are not so forgiving, and their grudge has its beginning.
A grudge is a heavy load, and it gets heavier with the passing of time. What might have solved the problem in the beginning will not be considered later, all because of a simple misunderstanding.
You might think something like that would not happen between friends or brothers and sisters in Christ. But it does, and what starts as something small, something that should be shrugged off – is not.
Some have been mistreated and had reason to be upset, while other
people’s feelings are “worn on their sleeve,” just waiting for someone to say the wrong thing. Eventually their “feelings” will be hurt, and chances are it will be an entirely unintentional act. However, nothing that is done or said can heal the “wound” that has occurred.
The social scientists say this becomes the only way some can gain the attention of others, and even though it is negative attention, it is better than no attention at all.
In case you think this is just a modern-day problem, note that such occasions were not uncommon in Bible times. Jacob and Esau were twins, but their father, Isaac, had a special place in his heart for Esau, Genesis 27. When Jacob out-maneuvered his brother and obtained the family birthright, Esau’s jealousy was so strong that he threatened to kill his brother, Genesis 27:41. Jealousy is a first cousin to bearing a grudge, and Esau carried that burden for many years.
In 1 Samuel 17-18 we read the story of David and Goliath. David conquered Goliath and gained considerable fame as a result. In 18:6-7, people began to praise David. Consequently, Saul “eyed David from that day forward,” 18:9. It prompted Saul to make several attempts on David’s life. He held a grudge against David all the way to his grave, and it gave him neither pleasure nor comfort. But, that’s what you must expect when you hold a grudge.
Scripture plainly teaches Christians to love one another, to be kind to each other, 1 Corinthians 13:4. Note the words of Colossians 3:12-13:
“Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.”
We should be aware of the feelings of others, making every effort to avoid any measure of offense. Some people’s skin is not as “tough” as others’, and we should consider that when we respond to them.
An individual in which there is continuing offensive behavior needs to search out his/her heart, find the cause and eliminate it. And, when someone’s feelings have been hurt, we should do all we can to mend that situation as best we can.
Having said that, those who have been offended have an equal obligation to have a forgiving attitude. If they consider the offense to be serious they should give the “offender” an opportunity to make it right, for they may not realize they have done so. Neither sulking nor pouting will provide any positive results. To the contrary, such response merely makes it worse.
The following are a few common circumstances in which someone’s feelings may have been hurt:
- Some person is not invited to some social event.
- A baby or wedding shower is not celebrated for someone’s child.
- A brother is not scheduled to lead prayer or read scripture.
- A good deed done by a person is not recognized and appreciated.
- A suggestion made by someone is ignored or rejected by others.
- An accomplishment or award by someone is not announced or honored.
Most of the time these matters are overlooked or later corrected. We would all be well advised to be alert to the feelings of others, taking care not to offend. When we have been offended, Jesus said we are to go to that person and solve the matter, Matthew 5:24. A grudge is a heavy load that need not be carried.
